Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Mixed Bag

I had a weird day. I actually felt a bit better for a couple hours, even visibly relaxing for a few minutes with Dr. Mind. But then I got home and started stressing about anything and everything. Soon though it's meds and then hopefully sleep.

I have a phone interview tomorrow for a position that is basically mine, the interview is just a formality. It's a long drive, but things are worked out so that I have a short day on Dr. Mind days and I've driven that far before. And it's work.

I'm feeling very grouchy right now because this morning I had mentioned something joking to my sister about being sure to have her baby on a day when it wouldn't be 6 weeks old when I met it. I got back a little note about how they will tell me when they are ready for visitors, smiley face. Because I clearly meant I was going to barge in? I sometimes think my sister believes I have no concept of appropriate behavior. And it REALLY hurts my feelings. This led to some really painful interactions with her other bridesmaids at her wedding. I wasn't even in the wedding until the last minute because one of the bridesmaids dropped out with a week to go. So suddenly it was all this desperate thing that I be part of it. I did it, even though I didn't want to, and spent the entire day getting hurt. Sometimes it was inadvertent, sometimes it was just mean. That was my sister. Her friends treated me like I was a child, telling me constantly what to do and how to do it. Back then my hands were very shaky and I splashed some pop. That was part of my life then and I was very good at cleaning up tiny spills. The one beside me actually took my can out of my hands and poured for me. They spent the whole time being bossy and rude. I wound up with huge med changes as a direct result, and very little relationship with my sister for a long time. My sister used to act like that a lot, but mostly she doesn't now. But she still does it and it hurts badly every single time and inevitably makes me want to scream at her. There's a whole thing that goes with this, and I need to stop because it's making me cry and I don't want to do that right now.

What else? I know I meant to say more, but I'm very tired and my mind is blanking out. So I guess that's it for now.

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