Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Tuesday, May 29, 2012


Last week my family doctor told me the med he'd give me for my headaches but I needed to find out where to send it since drug costs vary wildly from pharmacy to pharmacy.  (Seriously, I got klonopin at 33% of other stores).  I sent it to him but he went on vacation and missed it.  So his partner answered today that if I told her what script she'd send it in.  I had mentioned to Dr. Body in the email that I am going to see about if the Mirena is helping or hurting and that it may come out tomorrow and I'd find out if it was able to cause headaches as well.  Since we don't know and they seem to be tension headaches that are just ugly but that's a guess I'm trying everything--eye exam, I'll take to Dr. Sweetheart, etc.  Since they are receding somewhat since my 4 days of painful writing this weekend I'm going to stress but probably will fill the script since I am on a temporary hiatus (to allow me to see the gynecologist without flaring my PTSD horribly in therapy today which would have happened if we'd followed the plan, but after we start talking a few rough weeks are ahead.  I referred to potential other issues.  I mostly meant that there's nothing to replace it with and if I bleed heavily then we're going to be aimed at a hysterectomy.  And no surgery is the game plan for life, although realistically I suspect I'll have a hysterectomy eventually.  Anyway, the other doctor was so nice, explaining the Mirena comes out easily.  She probably thinks the insertion hurt.  She has no idea that the thing went in when I was unconscious and that my body is highly annoyed by anything that is supposed to go inside.  The thing has strings and my were cut longer to make removal easier but it will take all my focus to get through that.  It was nice of her to try to help though.

My chart should just be labeled "it's not normal".  She was probably confused because I had made a joke about the lowered blood pressure side effect meaning I could eat more cheese.  Dr. Body would get it with the MAOI but I bet she was thoroughly confused by that statement.

Dr. Mind was really pleased that I got through so much stuff and am still ok.  It will get harder Thursday when we work on it, but for today it was good.  We also laughed hard because I was supposed to listen to story one once more, then I could delete it.  Yesterday I found it was gone.  I couldn't think how except that I must have accidentally deleted it.  Then suddenly I said "no, wait, I listened and then I deleted and I FORGOT".  So clearly that wasn't too traumatic.

I'm glad to have had this bit timed as it has been.  Dr. Mind told me to take Thursday off, then I have 4 days of nothing but writing, then a few days to recover from that, and then Thursday the hard stuff starts.  Those days I was writing were a lot of work and I wrote very late into the night sometimes but having those days devoted to it and a break before the next pain starts helped a lot.  I think I'll point that out to Dr. Mind as I'm the first one he's doing this with and part of what is hard with this is the treatment is intense, every day, and as soon as you reach a little easier it gets a lot harder again.  But I'm much more ready to face the horribly painful part now than I was before.

Now I just have to deal with the gynecologist thing.  I trust her so much I'm not really worried, I just want it over and for there to be a good answer like it is ok to have way more bleeding than I should with the mirena in.  I don't want it out  because of fear, yet I know the hormones may be part of my problem.  As Dr. Mind said when I said that the thing about the "usual" results is that they aren't tested on people with bipolar who are more sensitive to hormones.  He pointed out that in my case things would need to be tested specifically for ME based on my many med reactions.

I am so tired.  I'm considering this a good sign that I'll get decent sleep before my trip to Dr. Sweetheart tomorrow.

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Anonymous said...

Jen, I remember not so long ago when you mentioned that you actually "laughed" with Dr. Mind. You mentioned it here because it was unusual/noteworthy. I was thrilled today to read that you and Dr. Mind had a good laugh together because I think that shows your wonderful progress!!! And, if nothing else, laughter is good :-)

I see too just how much of a professional you are... while in this new treatment taking notes as to what is most effective, etc to help future patients. What a woman you are. It sounds as though you know the road ahead is difficult, but I think I also hear an attitude of "I can do this!" And of course, you can. And you will.

I'm so glad you have Dr. Sweetheart on your team - someone you can trust is important for any of us, and especially for you. It will be good to get tomorrow over with so you can find some answers.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully a good night of sleep is in your future!


Michal Ann said...

I'm with Becky! Still praying.

Love, Michal