Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Sunday, September 05, 2010

Answer to a good question

Anonymous wrote (and others have probably wondered):

I have wondered about your relationship with your mom... from the comments you have made, specifically last fall, it seems very obvious she doesn't understand your medical condition. Or, that she doesn't want to. Then this lack of understanding translates to "what do I tell so and so...." or "come and watch my dog no matter HOW you are feeling" - Arghh! It has to be frustrating. And you also must be a very forgiving person. I cannot say I would be as willing to have a relationship with anyone who did not take extreme measures to stop the abuse of a little girl. And then, to see that the ramifications were dealt with properly. It was a different time then, but still... that you are able to forgive her makes you even that much more amazing in my eyes! I will be reading, but I am not sure I should make comments like this. After all, it's not a novel, it is your life. Too, I am wondering if my thoughts are rude, destructive , and/or insensitive.

It's a good question.  The answer is no, it does not bother me.  My  mother has done some horrible things and said some incredibly insensitive ones.  What upset me yesterday is a great example.  After I found out that my parents had known I was being sexually abused and they did nothing I was so angry that I finally cut things off with my father permanently and minimized my discussions with my mother.  I then chose to go to graduate school far away.  Being away from her was only one reason for my move.  All of my reasons were good and  valid and most importantly extremely important to me because every decision I've made about my life since then has been mainly based around "can my illness and I do this?".

I actually benefit from hearing people say something she has done is wrong, insensitive, unkind, etc.  Because of how I grew up it's very hard for me to just know these things sometimes.  And one of the things that I will have to address some day soon with Dr. Mind is how very angry I am with my mother.

Everything is so complex with her.  We went a long time without much of a relationship.  Now I just try to be realistic; she has significant limitations in what understands; she has a lot of feelings of guilt, and she does try to help. She just isn't built to help without hurting sometimes.  This doesn't negate the past and that there is a huge amount I have refused to deal with in this topic, but I've just made a decision over the years to try to accept who she is, even if she can't do the same for me.

I'll write more on this tomorrow or soon.  I'm falling asleep sitting up as my meds kicked in about 5 minutes ago.

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