Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Monday, September 06, 2010

More of what I was saying last night

First, to anonymous, I really appreciate how respectful you are trying to be.  I used to get so tired of people telling me my family life sounded like a soap opera.  It was awful, and obviously there is an unease that goes with having your family be known as "one of THOSE PERVERT teachers".  

I think that when something is written on here it is immediately up for discussion, unless I ask otherwise, which I have done from time to time.  In fact I hope to have discussion.  I find other people's opinions very helpful because sometimes my thinking isn't very clear.  Also, other people don't have all the emotional engagement that I do.  Sometimes the emotional engagement is bad.  I know that I will ignore my mother hurting me frequently because I can't stand the idea of giving up both my parents.  And selfishly I need help from her sometimes.  But also she has tried.  She doesn't get it, and she doesn't often follow through with what she should, but she tries.  Last year when I was too sick for Thanksgiving she managed to arrange for it to just be her and I and we ate a roast, nothing fancy or tricky.  That gets her a lot of credit.  Where she loses credit is that she wasn't a good mother in many ways when I was a kid; she tends to be judgmental and decides that I'm being negative when I am being factual, or that I don't interpret things right (ie my sister being mean to me).  She think she can read my symptoms but she couldn't be further from the truth a lot, nor can she come to any level of understanding about how sick I really am at times.  However, I also know that sometimes this is simply her denial, her fear that the things she did caused this or made it worse.  And there is no way to know.

I need to go to get blood drawn then see a few patients, so I'm going to stop writing and get moving.

(Essentially the point here:  as long as you are fair and polite I don't care what is said here; I like new ideas. If I'm not well enough to want other's input I will always say so).

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