Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Friday, December 23, 2011

I feel much more raw today.  I think my numb period is over.  I think all the things I said last night to Dr. Mind made me have to feel again.  It all feels much closer, and also much scarier as I realize what I've been doing these last weeks in lying to myself and to Dr. Mind.  Only grace kept me alive.  I'm trying hard to let the emotions stay, even if it means the dreaded crying.  I'm also going to beg for a different form of anxiety med. because ativan doesn't make any difference.  I am so tired today but it is tired versus I can't move because I'm under so much weight.


Anonymous said...

What a massive statement, "Only grace kept me alive." You will explain in time. For now, I'm relieved that you're able to experience the "dreaded crying." Oh Lord, please keep washing Jen clean, showering her inside with a healing flow of tears. Help her to unload truthful things that need to see the light. Carry her through every storm with the promise of the rainbow. Keep sheltering her with Your mighty protective hand. Help her to cling to You and to hear Your word. Touch her deeply and gently and work powerfully through the staff. Thank you for caring for dear Jen.

Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.

Psalm 4:1
Answer me when I call to you,
my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
have mercy on me and hear my prayer.

Anonymous said...

Good Morning Jen,

Scary but soooo very necessary to your healing. I hope you continue to feel the weight lifted from you today. I do know the "now I have to feel" stomach-lurching feeling. Anything but THAT, right?

So as I write to you today, I have the tears that come from knowing a little of how you feel and how painful it is to "feel". Please remember that with the "dreaded crying" comes cleansing. Let it all out and let all the burdens be lifted. These too are steps forward. Painful steps.

Remember the Footsteps - God will carry you if you cannot walk. He has, He will, and He will continue to do so.

You are in my thoughts and prayers constantly. I am here and praying for you.