Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

no title in my head

Well, the jerk didn't decide to come back.  This is good, although I could use someone to yell at today.  It feels like I've spent half the day on the phone.  Something I ordered from Kohls on Black Friday got lost at their warehouse.  I learned a valuable lesson; they won't off things but if you ask you'll get them.  I got a new one shipped out with priority airmail delivery at the Black Friday price and no shipping cost.  I was on the phone 35 minutes to do that, but it's worth it.

I haven't heard about the 2nd opinion.  I have no idea when to expect to hear something.  I am hoping that stopping the Latuda tonight will stop some of the symptoms.  If not by Thursday I guess I try to find out from Dr. Brain because if he's not able to see me (and this is a very busy time for psychiatrists) then I'm going to make a case for admitting me.  If nothing is changing from today I don't know if I can make it through Christmas without being admitted.  I've said this a lot of times though and been wrong.  However at this point I need a psychiatrist and the thing that usually keeps me out of the hospital is Dr. Brain and she can't do that.

I spent time on the phone with the ombudsman about my recent stay.  I heard both doctor's responses; both defended themselves on minor points and ignored the major complaints.  I heard things like "anxiety meds are not good with encephalopathy".  I had encephalopathy?  Nobody mentioned that.  Nor did anyone mention that anxiety meds weren't good for me; I would have sucked it up then.  I declined filing a formal complaint because I can't imagine that any complaint from someone with a diagnosis of confusion is going to win against a head of a department.   Mostly the psychiatrist made everything out to be my fault.  He did admit to walking out while I was talking and attributed that to being busy.  But um, "ok, I understand your concerns.  I need to ask you some questions then we'll fix those concerns.  I have limited time today", although even that would be pretty crappy given how long doctors spent with my roommate.

The drawings are helping some.  I forgot that I like art therapy.  I think I have enough to keep us busy for 2 sessions though.I think we have 2 sessions worth on "I feel so guilty because everyone keeps trying to help and I am failing".

That's about it for today unless Dr. Brain gets in touch.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Jen, why do you feel that you are at fault?

You ARE trying.
You have BEEN trying.
And, you KEEP trying.
Just what is your fault here?

Are you not following doctor's orders? No.

Are you doing things you are not supposed to do? No.

Are you giving up? Hiding? Isolating yourself so no one can help? No. No. And no!

So, why is it YOUR fault? What is it you are failing to do? From over here, it looks like you are trying really hard. Harder than most anyone would try. The opposite of failing. No fault on you!

Trying to be a voice of reason,