New plan

I got a much more coherent email from Dr. Brain.  We're going to get my lithium level up now instead of waiting as planned.  I already took the higher dose.  I also was able to ask about anxiety meds, anything that might do better than the useless klonopin.  I hate to lose Klonopin, it worked well but it's done for now.

I also was able to ask if I did have encephalopathy (I don't know if I told this story; the psychiatrist from the bad hospital stay said I had this as a defense to why he treated me the way I did; I was confused.  I know I had sx of this, but I did not know it was diagnosed.  It wasn't on my d/c papers nor was it mentioned to me.  I think he's using it to cover for his bad behavior).  However, I also still have cognitive side effects and the occasional neuro thing so maybe I did.  I just want to know so that I don't panic about any changes in the next 24 hours.  Obviously there are changes and CHANGES but I'm scared enough that I missed this before that I'll be being very, very careful for a long time.

I also realized I have a bottle of zyprexa sitting around that I paid a lot of $ for and only took for a few days.  So I asked about doing a pulse of it to see if that will trigger some stability.

I'm less scared by myself tonight.  I can't settle down, mainly because i need to cry and can't, but I managed to ask rational questions I think clearly.   I hope.  And the anxiety med thing is HUGE.

I'm suddenly sleepy.  Not ideal since I just took more meds to sleep because I was so awake.  Oh well.  Nothing planned tomorrow anyway.