Today was horrible. It wouldn't have been a good day at all, in any way, without mania to make it so hard to handle. As it was I was popping anxiety pills like candy and having no results.
My head is spinning. I'm not even going to really write tonight because of it. I also have a horrible headache (migrainesque, I suspect related to my depakote level and/or starting Risperdal) that won't stop which is killing me. I made everything worse by screwing up my med times. I usually go for about 9. I couldn't take them then because my head hurt to the point of nausea. I laid down close to 10 and laid still for a very, very long time. Leave it to me to drift off at 11:30, just as the pain started to ease. For me the mania goes and goes and goes until I crash and sleep a few hours or I crash into another mood level for a while; I think that was my crash. I woke up at 12:30, scared to death from a psychoticish dream, and took meds. That means tomorrow will probably be all screwy too. I'm wide awake now......
I feel like I was too manic to even benefit from the therapy appointment I had hoped would somehow "make it better". Either that or I wanted him to say I was ok and just hyping myself up for no reason. Instead we talked about how I might find a way to get time off soon. I have vacation in 4 weeks.
Sadly, I also have 4 weeks until I have FMLA or short-term disability has finished the pre-existing condition phase. Only 4 lonely weeks. This is especially bad because this is the 2nd job in a row that this has happened with; the other job I was 8 weeks from eligibility and by a miracle they decided to pay the benefits. But I was only off 6 weeks. Hopefully this time if it turns into a time won't be long, but the decision has been firmly made by me that I want to do whatever it takes the next time. My current company has been a bit less happy to put up with my differences, so I am not relying on help. They don't get bipolar and don't plan to try.
Anyway, I question my own abilities to write in sentences. Hopefully will have something happier tomorrow.