Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Monday, September 17, 2007


I am moving so slowly. I slept pretty well so now I just have to see if this dose will continue to be enough for me. I hate the feeling of changing so abruptly from flying to this puddle of a person, too tired to do anything but sleep and stare. So far today I ate lunch and took a shower so my psychologist doesn't see how icky I truly am at the moment.

On the other hand, the med is working. I would much, much rather be sleepy than manic. Last week scared me. I am very proud of myself because I did exactly what I'm supposed to do and assessed things exactly as I should have (forcing myself into working this week probably would have meant something not good because I was truly losing it) and hopefully all better will come much faster because of that.

At the same time I am trying to make myself be very aware that I have had so many crazy reactions and not reacting well at all that an initial response means nothing except that I got an initial response and the consequent break from the symptoms. Five days from now this may be doing nothing; my manias fight back and I think the whole mixed episode thing makes them harder to beat because whatever the doctor attacks the other side fights back. However, Seroquel is a new med for me, and one benefit is a huge variance in doses. The ability to range doses greatly is why Depakote works well for me. So hopefully we'll get there.

I'm off soon to buy some sweats and the like. I keep almost no casual clothing for any season around at home because I rarely use it. I don't feel like wearing jeans all day, so time to shop. I hope I find some good stuff; don't have the energy to look hard.

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