Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Not going to starve

I am trying to keep a handle on my energy output this mania, using it so I don't totally lose control, but not letting it escalate into dangerous or overly ambitious projects. I've somehow wound up doing a lot of canning/freezing food. Not really sure why, but it is soothing. Well, most of it has been. Yesterday and today I peeled and cored 20 lbs of apples for applesauce. I have no clue how but I managed to peel 3 of my fingers. One cut especially really stings. And I actually made so much apple puree that I'm stuck until I can get a larger pan. I hope my mom has one that will hold all my apples plus a whole lot of water. I can't easily divide it because my recipe is based on lbs of apples, not cups of puree. I could, I suppose, measure it all and attempt to find a ratio to calculate with, but that's a lot more work than the bigger pan idea. This is just going to be a ton of applesauce.

Little worried here because I'm not sleepy yet. I actually am pretty wired. Not a surprise, tonight will be the night I know if I need to increase my Seroquel dose again, but I just hate the feeling. I think I hate the suspense as much as anything. The psychologist says I'm impatient, but I'm not sure there is way to be impatient when you're talking about your life being on hold. I'm actually going to say right now what I fear: I am afraid this is going to drag on forever, that 2 weeks will be up on Saturday and I'm still having some significant issues. I know things will change as they need to and are supposed to change, and I know I can take sooooooooo much more medication, but I just miss feeling in control. Too much at once. I haven't talked about my meeting with voc. rehab this week, but it didn't leave me feeling any more hopeful than I already do.

Carbohydrates here I come. Let the magic sleepiness begin.

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