Volatility

I'm feeling bad tonight. I'm going to take my meds and see if I sleep and if I can sleep through the night. I have been up 6 consecutive hours today and have showered and repaired my toilet, so I met my goals. I'm just more frustrated with reality. I think I'd hoped after I slept the first night or two that I would respond all the way on Seroquel, right at this nice low dose, and all would be well. Last night made that seem less likely. Today the manic stuff is stronger. I know this means nothing about the efficacy of the med, I'm only on 100 mgs, but I'm tired and cranky and desperately needing "real" sleep. So then it turns back into all sorts of negative thinking, and I just want to avoid that. I'm going to take meds and if they don't work properly I'll see if my therapist has any free time for me tomorrow, but if he doesn't it won't be until Monday.

Do the rest of you need to go through a "let it out" phase on the way down? That's where I am, I think. It seems like after I get particularly manic I always hit a place where I need to cry and let out a lot of the bad stuff. But letting go is always so hard...Yet even I can see I'm holding it together maybe a bit too well....