Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Monday, October 15, 2007

It is defintely time to go home.  The mania was much more present today.  I have felt so irritable and have had racy thoughts etc. all day.  I barely managed to not cause arguments and just to generally be patient.  I need alone time.  I need time I can get into my blog.  I need my  bed, my house, my cats.  I need a dose increase.  It's just time to be home and I'm so glad I'll be there tomorrow at this time.
On the other hand I had a good experience today.  The year that things started really getting out of control for me I came to this same place for vacation.  I had begun having periods of agitation, depression and easily upset/easily hurt feelings about 3 months previously; here was where I felt very overwhelmed.  I had been having crazy mood swings for a few months and had been aware of it, but attributed it to depression, PMS, stress, whatever.  One day while we were here we went to a state park and did a nature tour thing.  I remember two things:  it was beautiful and something made me that burning hot manic mad.  I didn't know what to call it, but that was the first time I had been that sort of angry in public over something stupid.  I blamed it on several things, but it's always been a memory I held on to.  Today I went there again and got to form some happy memories.
I have a feeling that I'm in a for a few hard days here.  I think I made it through this vacation by pushing very hard and I'm done managing with the extra force.  I'm exhausted.  But I have many things to talk about, so I'll be really glad to be at my own computer tomorrow night.
Until then....

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