It is defintely time to go home. The mania was much more present today. I have felt so irritable and have had racy thoughts etc. all day. I barely managed to not cause arguments and just to generally be patient. I need alone time. I need time I can get into my blog. I need my bed, my house, my cats. I need a dose increase. It's just time to be home and I'm so glad I'll be there tomorrow at this time.
On the other hand I had a good experience today. The year that things started really getting out of control for me I came to this same place for vacation. I had begun having periods of agitation, depression and easily upset/easily hurt feelings about 3 months previously; here was where I felt very overwhelmed. I had been having crazy mood swings for a few months and had been aware of it, but attributed it to depression, PMS, stress, whatever. One day while we were here we went to a state park and did a nature tour thing. I remember two things: it was beautiful and something made me that burning hot manic mad. I didn't know what to call it, but that was the first time I had been that sort of angry in public over something stupid. I blamed it on several things, but it's always been a memory I held on to. Today I went there again and got to form some happy memories.
I have a feeling that I'm in a for a few hard days here. I think I made it through this vacation by pushing very hard and I'm done managing with the extra force. I'm exhausted. But I have many things to talk about, so I'll be really glad to be at my own computer tomorrow night.
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