Why I'm so tired

Today has been wild moodswing day. Today has been an example of why mixed episodes can be so difficult. They are difficult in other ways, depending on how the combination of moods are presenting themselves, but today is the kind of day that is just exhausting.

I woke up depressed, having slept many hours. I continued in depressed mode with the psychologist, crying for the entire hour. I didn't even talk much today, I just cried. Thankfully I get the occasional "allowed to feel sorry for myself" day from him. It's odd; he will always take the opposite side on that from me. If I think it's ok to pout he'll try to convince me otherwise. If I'm mad at myself for feeling bad he'll let me feel bad. I'm very glad to understand this because it used to confuse me. I sort of know why he does this, and it's better than just telling me I'm right all the time, because I'm not.

I went to a seconds store to try to buy more sweatshirts or something appropriate to wear. As it is now I'm alternating 2 or 3 shirts all the time and that's just not quite appropriate. I found 2 shirts but I didn't buy them because they didn't have pockets and I need pockets because my pants don't have pockets. Plus I was getting teary over trying to find one pair of pants that fit. Pants have me so confused. One size is too small in jeans, yet slacks in the SAME BRAND fit loosely. Another brand of jean I tried on and purchased with a slightly loose fit; they are now far too large. They are one size larger than the ones that don't fit. So apparently I don't wear any jean size now? I'm so tempted to get elastic waisted maternity pants for now. Because my weight is a lot of water weight my pants don't fit in the evening nearly as well as the morning. Elastic would be so much more comfortable. But I don't want to attract weird looks or cause misconceptions. By the end of 10 minutes there I was nearly crying. So I left.

On the way home I switched for a bit to hysterical giggles over nothing that funny. And now I'm sad again.

This takes too much energy. No wonder all I want to do is sleep.