Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Little to say

Please forgive typos and spelling errors and run-on sentences. I wasn't thinking fabulously before my meds partially kicked in, leaving me groggy but awake. I am so tired.

I saw the psychologist and got confirmation that my mood shifted in a way not desirable. I knew that already but it helped to hear I wasn't (once again) making it up. I seem to be heavily cycling extremely rapidly. Cycling every few minutes isn't uncommon for me, but this is large cycles and short intervals and is occurring a much great proportion of the time. Last night I got to deal with some psychotic noises, hours of them.

Oterwise not much to say.


Jon said...

You don't have to say much, the psychotic noises say it all. I'm hearing them too.

Taylor_John said...

I find if I'm under too much stress at night when I'm quite and lying in bed with my mind winding down I get night noises. It's really quite strange because it's not white noise but almost like a mini explosion in my head where even my ears feel like they have popped. Once this happens I know it is time to call in sick or take a stress day out of life and do nothing.

Just Me said...

Imagine that stuff on steroids and you've got what I had. That's sort of like the next-to-last bus while this is the last bus. Or something. I get what you are referring to also, often because it was too loud that day or I worked too long. Just for the record, because this is partially how I track what I have been through, it can also go much further during mixed episodes (or true mania, which is rare for me). It is sort of like my own private Halloween soundtrack. I'll hear people whispering and be sure it's about me; nobody is there. I'll hear talking but not enough of every word to decipher it. I'll hear mumbling.

I am very, very fortunate not to have worse psychotic symptoms. Or if I do I'm unaware and nobody has seemed to notice. I have hallucinated badly once, and questionably seen things a few more times, and that's really frightening. But this alone is really hard. I spend a lot of time reality-testing, especially because I can be paranoid about really odd things. When I first bought this house I knew about dry rot in the bathroom. I was then terrified to shower because I was sure the floor wouldn't hold.

I am so glad that this is the only degree of psychosis (aside from mixed episodes which I have far more severely than average but which I sort into a different brain pile) which I live with. I have trouble remembering that at the moment it is occurring, but it's true.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say....