Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

we'll see

My doctor told me to jump further ahead with the dose increases last night and get to 300 mg of the Seroquel. I also have just been taking a much larger dose of anxiety meds as a rule instead of waiting to see if it was needed, especially since I have given up my antidepressant (and I hate brain zaps so much.....I tapered off the imipramine so carefully to avoid them, and apparently cutting the pills down to 1/4th of a low dose wasn't enough. I've been off almost a week so hopefully it's going to end soon.

I did not sleep any better than I have been; in fact it was probably worse than some other nights and if I hadn't left the psychologist's totally emotionally worn out it would have been horrid. But the sleep I got, even broken, was more sound. I think it was more sound that even my usual 1st day on a dose sleep has been, and those have been my so-called "good nights". For whatever reason I feel more rested.

I've also been very busy much of the day and so some of it may be mania. I am dealing with some psychotic sounds which is a good way to hear my body say "stop". That actually probably should be my body saying "gone too far", but it's definetely a signal I recognize.

Otherwise, I am worrying. Which doesn't help so I'm working on not thinking. I really wish I could do that. But in a controlled manner.....Geodon did that pretty completely for me and I didn't like that much.

I need to run out to my car for a minute. Hopefully I won't scare too many neighbors since I didn't bother with getting very pretty today. Then it's shower time, which I dread because it can make me hear noises even more pronouncedly. Tomorrow I'm getting my carpets professionally cleaned (my mom loaned me money; thankfully because they NEED it) so I have a big day.

Hopefully also I won't be back on here in a few hours whining that 300 mg wasn't even close to enough.......

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