I got sleepy, on my own about 11 pm. I waited a while and then tried to sleep without the additional anxiety meds I've been needing. The end result of that was an hour later I just put the additional meds into the pill box; they are now routine until something changes.
I know I've been saying this for months but breain chemisty so, so messed up........I'm scared it can't be fixed. I try to be positive, which I realize is hard to believe reading here, but this is the kind of thing that tells me bad issues still exist.
I don't think I've said this here before, at least not point blank, but I'm not just scared of losing my job. I am scared I'm never going to get back to work. Dr. Mind made me talk about this a little. But there have been 2 periods in my life: the one where things were managed (the last few years) and the years I fought tooth and nail to do anything.I'm back to the fighting years with the distinct change in the fact that there aren't really more meds ahead, I have rapidly changed what was working drastically and nobody knows why, I am older and more tired, and after knowing I had a chance to live pretty normally for a long time losing it hurts even more than thinking it wouldn't ever happen did.
I wish I had never had the surgery. I didn't have a choice, blood loss and pain were ruining my life, but something happened during that surgery that was very, very bad. I am afraid I made a decision to go into surgery with all those extra precautions and we never considered the thing that went wrong, whatever that was.
I really, really need to see Dr. Brain. Monday is a long time off.