Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Something is NOT wrong with me but everyone else is suffering

First and most importantly, please pray for a lot of people for me.  My cousin fell and severely broke her arm a few days ago and had surgery yesterday.  It's an ugly place to fracture that takes a long time and hard work to recover.  Her daughter, who is about 27, has 4 kids.  The youngest is about 3 months old and was born with multiple issues including a missing kidney and 2 both severe heart defects plus a genetic problem that causes many other issues, right now the biggest of which is immunodeficiency.  He had open heart surgery today and had a few snags; he's on dialysis, will be on a vent and in ICU longer than hoped, and just needs lots of prayers.  His parents of course need prayer as well, and his grandmother is probably having a terribly hard time as she can't be with them during this.  The person who got me to start this blog years ago, Dr. Mind the first, who is someone impossible to characterize in my life (mentor, friend, ex-therapist, former professor, the reason I lived to be diagnosed without killing myself, the person who taught me to believe I could still LIVE while helping me through many very difficult times including the year I was undiagnosed and losing it, the person who for years would give feedback on interpersonal issues so that I functioned (literally he used to have to make me call the dr. or psychiatrist because I was scared to do either no matter what was wrong), is dealing with the loss of his mother-in-law who I know was a mother to him.  She also lived with him and he has been doing significant care with the rest of the family for years.  Dr. Brain is having surgery in a few weeks.  And Dr. Mind is facing a tremendously stressful, lifechanging, horrible thing I can't go into as it's too specific. My hair stylist just lost her grandmother.  It's a cold, mean world sometimes and I ache for all of these people.

I got my sleep test results and finally something that seemed likely isn't.  I have only  mild sleep apnea and probably a sort of subclinical thing.  My sleep has many messed up characteristics but we knew that from the start.  Some is caused by antipsychotics (they mess up sleep cycles), some is obvious like it's hard for me to fall asleep and I wake up a lot.  But overall I have only the sleep issues we've been working on since I was 18.

I slept 9 hours last night and woke without an alarm.  I was gone and shoping for quite a while.  I am agitated and anxious; that was so, so overstimulating.  But with luck that is all I'll need to get Christmas done without leaving home and that leaves me needing to do a huge grocery shopping and pet food shopping and I can avoid stores for the next 6 weeks.  Dr. Mind and I already talked about my needing to increase my stimulation because I've been in sensory blackout for so long while recovering.

No comments: