So tired

So, so tired. I have now had 2 doses, about to take the 3rd, of Risperdal. It is helping, but I am just exhausted. Today was also hot, which doesn't help much. I FINALLY have a 2 day weekend this week, and I am so ready.

It's weird to be manic and this tired. I'm very used to mixed episodes, but something in my meds works now so that those only happen when the predominant feature would like to be depression. This time I just want to be manic. Well, I don't want to, but it wants to be manic. The med is doing exactly what I want it to, but it certainly makes me sleepy. Sleeping through mania still seems weird, even though it's the point. I think I always forget this part.

I realized finally today why I have such a hard time with needing a lot more support from the psychologist than I should during and after episodes. I just did something for the first time that was really good; I looked ahead and saw what was happening and got help immediately. As this progresses I have the ability to look inside and be reasonably accurate about what is going on, but it becomes harder to make myself look long or hard because I don't like what I see. I also do not have a good ability (need to work on this) to do what the psychologist makes me do and break down different things to show exactly how I feel. So I guess that's my next path.

For now, I am going to cut everything I wanted to do tonight short and go to bed. I bet I don't read 15 pages.