I got a call yesterday from my doctor's office from someone who wanted me to explain what I meant in my note to him about not understanding what is going on and what it means when I think I feel really sick and nothing shows up. It was very awkward, esp. as I had no clue who I was talking to and she wound up pretty much talking down to me, meaning she probably was a nurse I've never met who read the thing, didn't talk to Dr Body who would have gotten the main idea, and called me instead. She never did answer my real question, which is what thermometer is right if 3 of them give widely variant readings? How do you know you have a fever?
Then I got a nice note from him that it was ok, sometimes they don't find the cause of illness, that it just adds up to virus, don't worry.
I do think though that I've left him out of the loop that he needs to be in, the one where I've discovered that I don't react normally to pain and I find myself lying during exams if I think that saying something does hurt would sound silly or fake. I'm trying to get better about this but I did it again the last time. So I made an appointment, asked for a double block of time if possible and am going to talk to him and explain this. Because I can really get myself into a bad spot doing this, and right now it's possibly worse that ever before because I'm anxious about the process.
Between just life in general sometimes requires you go to a doctor, state symptoms, accurately respond to questions, and accurately go through an exam. In thpe last few years my inability to do this well has resulted in almost needing IV antibiotics for a near-septic abscessed tooth, the scary-almost-got-too-confused-to-make-it-to-the-hospital with significant dehydration and way too much MAOI in my system, and my ankle being more injured than I admitted because I didn't describe the pain well.
I've improved, for a long time it took a friend practically shaking me to get me to go to a doctor or go near one and now I'm do. But I still need to be more honest with him. I trust him, I've followed him everywhere, I don't know why I don't just give up and trust him fully, but that is a work in progress.