Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


I've got 2 problems going here, and one is that I am spoiled and the other is that I'm overly sensitive about some things, and those 2 things have come together to STRESS.ME.OUT.

I've mentioned before that Dr. Body has always been very supportive of me.  He has always made time for me and responded to whatever I need.  He changed practices and things seemed fine.  The last 2 times I've been in there (the last few weeks due to a work physical then whatever was wrong with me last week) he's been pressured for time, and this last time left me confused.  He talked about pain meds, but instead of looking to see what I can take either he over-estimated my ability to remember (essentially nothing; I need to talk to Dr. Brain) or forgot, and didn't give me anything.  He forgot the zofran he said he'd prescribe and I had to ask at the check-out for it.  He didn't even talk to me himself about my test results.  Nobody has gotten back to me about my urine, so I assume it didn't grow anything, but it would be nice to know that.

And then I sent in a note through the computer system that frankly was hard to write and which is stressing me out more.  I'm very confused because I came out of that feeling like I was somehow making things up (read:  I'm hearing my father talk to me) or my other paranoia that I was drug-seeking (not hardly.  Hate pain meds.  They hate me.  He knows that, I've just been treated that way too many times).  But I went in having sat here in this bed watching my fever go up incrementally to the highest I've ever seen on my thermometer.  By the time I reached his office, freezing cold in 94 degree heat, without even being able to use airconditioning and wearing a sweatshirt, I did not register a fever at all.  I then bought 2 more thermometers on my way home and they get different readings as far apart a 1.5 degrees.  And while i haven't taken my temp yet while feeling better, I know I usually read at 96 something.  So 99.8, 99.9 is a definite fever, yet in his office nothing is wrong, and then I'm having horrid pain but nothing shows on the CT?  Makes no sense. (Except that is does if I had a kidney stone that I passed before he saw me or shortly afterward which hurt on teh way down but not on the way out.  I've had other suspected stones).  Or it could have been viral.  I did have something; my white count showed infection.  But I left there feeling I had screwed up.  I emailed him asking for clarification of how to know when I am sick and when I'm not, because I am afraid that this is one of those things that is going to go down as "eh, bipolar" and if that's the case I want to know when to trust myself and when not to.

I'm really upset about this.  But has he answered?  Nope.  To be fair, did I know I cried for a couple hours trying to write the note?  Nope.  But Dr. Body of the past would answer.  Period.  And does he even really know that part of why my description didn't make sense was that I am not good and trying to learn how to describe pain and I wasn't as clear as I wanted to be.  Because doing that while in pain is harder.

So I'm anxious and annoyed.  it's lovely.

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