Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Thursday, November 18, 2010


I don't know why I feel crabby, but I do.  And while I'm ashamed to post this, I need to because it is another sign that my whatever-she-would-be-called (ex-friend doesn't feel like something that is possible or something) hasn't changed in the making things your way vein.  She was one year behind me in college, but a change of majors kept her there for a 5th year.  Therefore she graduated 2 years after me, even though it wasn't really her "class".  Nonetheless, you graduate when you graduate.  On her facebook she has listed her graduation year as the year it should have been, not what it was.  I had to count back to figure that out.....But how goofy.

I'm having a very frustrating time uploading pictures to get prints.  I've been working on it for 3 hours.  That's a lot of the crabbiness, on top of the whooping cough related stuff.  I'm going to give that a few more days, pray I get some sleep, and if I'm still teary by Monday I'll contact Dr. Brain and maybe up my Seroquel a bit.  I have the authority to go up another 50 mg but am scared to while already so tired.  But I'm not sleeping much or well which then makes me cranky and emotional.  Two weeks of sleeping tons and not resting well is definitely adding up.  I'm so glad next week is only 3 days long.  On the other hand going back to work while this tired is going to be HARD, and going back and having to carefully seek out info on each referral to determine how careful I need to be is going to be stressful, as is wearing masks a lot and not really telling the patients why.  The plan is "oh, I've had bronchitis", but some people will not believe it's not contagious, esp. if I'm wearing a mask.

I'm also emotional because getting left out of Thanksgiving sucks.  I think I came home and thought everything would be back to normal because I was home, and instead I'm still sitting here trying to swallow glop. I know that every year I whine on here about how hard holidays are, and they are very hard, but this is 2 years in a row without Thanksgiving.  Last year we just had a pot roast and kept it to my mom and I because I was still so messed up from the hospital and med changes, and literally was told by Dr. Mind that he would write me an excuse but no Thanksgiving.  This year I think it would be totally overwhelming as it is the merging of our tiny family and my brother-in-law's large one and I think the baby will cry a lot as she is used to a very quiet, gentle routine, not 48 relatives wanting to make a fuss over her all at once.  But still, it's my niece's first Thanksgiving and thanks to whooping cough I didn't get to see her yesterday as planned and I won't see her until Christmas.  Which means I won't see her between 2 1/2 and 5 months old.  And there's the tears, so there's the issue.  I'm just so very frustrated; the last time I saw her she was fussy, so I've not gotten to hold or play with her since Labor Day.  And for something I'm trying so hard to stick to, building a relationship with her, this just sucks. That was Dr. Body's synopsis of this disease and he was not kidding.

So I've now cried and cried and emailed Dr. Brain that I need help, so hopefully that will take care of the rest of this.  Hopefully Dr. Body can help me breathe tomorrow, and if I'm really not seeing patients this coming week I may talk to them about working from home.  I probably WILL talk to them about working from home for Thursday at a minimum, because if I can get even a few hours of my training done then I'll feel like I did something productive and will have something to not feel sorry for myself about, and the sooner I can see patients again.

Now I just need to figure out how to not flop over when I try to sleep.....

This was the actual path I was supposed to be following.  Clearly the lesser traveled path......I had to search for the way a few times.

Spoiled cats.....The one on top cried the whole way there and until 5 minutes from home on the way back but he loved every second of it.  The one on bottom said "Jen, it's COLDDDDD" when we arrived, which was quite accurate.  She also had just puked about 4 meals up, thankfully all in her carrier.  Not thankfully her stupid owner never considered car sickness as it had never come up before, so she had fish for breakfast.  For the trip back today they each had a tiny bit of chicken because I was not doing the all windows and moon roof open for air deal again.

1 comment:

WinnyNinny PooPoo said...

What beautiful kittens!!

So sorry you don't get to hold your niece but you wouldn't want her to get whooping cough either. At five months she will be a silly billy wanting to play!!! This is just the beginning. I have nieces that are in their 30's and they are just as fun now as babes (in a different way) as they were when they were babies.