As easily anticipated Dr.Mind was very worried about me. I've fallen into all the thought patterns that accompany severe depression for me and he understands the need for hospitalization feels imminent, be it for steroids or because if this gets worse it is going to get a lot worse, very quickly. He was going to email Dr. Brain and give her his take on the situation. He also tried hard to find any time he could squeeze me in next week. I managed to squeak out my concern about having to wait until 12/2 for another appointment and he has nothing available. He finally added me to Tuesday morning and I'm going to try to talk to them about doing my computer training from home that day or working on Friday instead of Tuesday. I have no idea if that will work, but allegedly I'm doing computer training nearly exclusively right now and I'm pretty sure it can be done out of office. Please pray for that to work out. My mother has me all anxious about it because she threw in about 50 negatives on this, which I do not need right now. There is already way too much stress and depression of my own making, I don't need help. He also pointed out that I've kind of have system breakdown; he had to cancel one of my appointments, I had to cancel the next. Two weeks between is never, ever good. Then Dr.Body goofed yesterday which freaks me out more than it should, and Dr. Brain isn't responding quickly. It adds up to my feeling very unsupported.Which is none of their intentions or even their faults, it just scares me. With Dr. Brain it's especially hard because there is a lot of playback of last year as I got sicker and sicker and she didn't answer and didn't answer, because she was dealing with her newly diagnosed cancer.
I went and got the nebulizer and the stuff that goes in it. One treatment into it I knew that this is what I've been needing. I actually have coughed up actual nasty stuff a couple times. Which is gross but I've had my throat and lungs full of crap for over 2 weeks and this is the first stuff to finally come up. I coughed a lot after the first treatment and then actually slept for 3 hours or so. It felt so much better. The 2nd treatment didn't seem to be as effective and I'm very wide awake so my nap that I needed so badly may have cost me. I am a little frustrated that I had to find this medicine myself and ask for it because it actually fits the profile of what I need very well. It's just rarely used and apparently almost never outside of a hospital. But it's effective including for my current diagnosis (whooping cough caused this but now I have tracheobronchitis--ie my who breathing apparatus above my lungs is a mess) and has few side effects and no interactions. So I know why it didn't immediately pop into the doctor's head but I just wish I hadn't had to wait for it.
Since tomorrow is my last chance to catch up on sleep before work starts again I'm going to take hefty psych meds as soon as I quit writing. I have a few meds that I have a little leeway on using. I've been holding off on the extra until I knew I wasn't sleeping because I don't want to snow myself. But I also need sleep, and a lot of it, if I'm going to turn this around. I feel like there is a little more hope of that after Dr. Mind and that bit of sound sleep.
Good night, I hope.