So last night I realized that feeling so bad so long is making severely depressed. It took about an hour to write 3 paragraphs to Dr. Brain to tell her I feel like I'm in trouble. Then I realized my sats and heartrate are all messed up. Dr. Body and talked and found an inhaler and some kind of cough medicine stuff that I'm trying. If that doesn't work I have a script for a nebulizer and a med that apparently will be hard to find, meaning I'm going to be trying to get it while in the city tomorrow to see Dr. Mind.
The whole thing is about avoiding steroids. Steroids make me manic and they also correlate strongly to the one and only time I've taken them I was not diagnosed and they made me so out of control manic that it was the beginning of the end and I never really went back to where I was before them. However, steroids will work. The other stuff might, maybe work.
I don't know what is next on his list, but I made a pretty drastic decision today. If I keep feeling like this I'm going to wind up hospitalized as it is, because my depression is significant. Therefore I have contacted Dr. Brain about whether I can be hospitalized for safety while using steroids, hopefully briefly, and I just let Dr. Body know that unless he has something else up his sleeve he really thinks will work, that if I'm not better in a couple days (deadline enhanced by the holiday) that my preference would be to go inpatient, be sedated and get through this than to go on not sleeping and feeling like I can't breathe all the time. I would much rather have a place saved for me on the mood disorders unit that I didn't use than to wind up going through the ER on a holiday, which also eliminates Dr. Brain's control of things.
Hopefully one or both will get back to me soon. And nobody will think I'm playing doctor. I don't want to do that, but I also don't want to keep feeling so crappy and the difficulty breathing is getting very, very old as it makes me feel anxious and panicky all.the.time. Which is no fun at all. Someone has to look at mood disorder plus physical health and I'm the only one who sees both ends of it.
Hoping for an email or 2 soon.