So last night I realized that feeling so bad so long is making severely depressed. It took about an hour to write 3 paragraphs to Dr. Brain to tell her I feel like I'm in trouble. Then I realized my sats and heartrate are all messed up. Dr. Body and talked and found an inhaler and some kind of cough medicine stuff that I'm trying. If that doesn't work I have a script for a nebulizer and a med that apparently will be hard to find, meaning I'm going to be trying to get it while in the city tomorrow to see Dr. Mind.
The whole thing is about avoiding steroids. Steroids make me manic and they also correlate strongly to the one and only time I've taken them I was not diagnosed and they made me so out of control manic that it was the beginning of the end and I never really went back to where I was before them. However, steroids will work. The other stuff might, maybe work.
I don't know what is next on his list, but I made a pretty drastic decision today. If I keep feeling like this I'm going to wind up hospitalized as it is, because my depression is significant. Therefore I have contacted Dr. Brain about whether I can be hospitalized for safety while using steroids, hopefully briefly, and I just let Dr. Body know that unless he has something else up his sleeve he really thinks will work, that if I'm not better in a couple days (deadline enhanced by the holiday) that my preference would be to go inpatient, be sedated and get through this than to go on not sleeping and feeling like I can't breathe all the time. I would much rather have a place saved for me on the mood disorders unit that I didn't use than to wind up going through the ER on a holiday, which also eliminates Dr. Brain's control of things.
Hopefully one or both will get back to me soon. And nobody will think I'm playing doctor. I don't want to do that, but I also don't want to keep feeling so crappy and the difficulty breathing is getting very, very old as it makes me feel anxious and panicky all.the.time. Which is no fun at all. Someone has to look at mood disorder plus physical health and I'm the only one who sees both ends of it.
Hoping for an email or 2 soon.
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3 comments:
My daughter has a very complicated medical case, with a very obscure disease. I literally am the expert on her in 95% of the Dr. visits we go to, and they treat the symptoms.
I tell you this, because it's given me the confidence to take care of my own bipolar better. I am the expert on my symptoms, AND I am the expert on my reaction, acceptable side effects, etc. You are too for you. You are NOT playing doctor at all. Just state your symptoms and what you need. They will usually ask you what you want. Or ask if their prescription is okay with you.
Which, sounds like what you tried to you. Best of luck. Stay safe no matter what.
Worried about your breathing. I do think its wise to go inpatient where you don't have to worry and can just be knocked out and taken care of. Your oxygen levels are scary low. No wonder you are exhausted.
WinnieNinnyPoo-
Don't worry about my sats.They're only that low when I'm laying down and I don't do that much because it doesn't feel good. That is scary low though and it concerned the doctor, although my sustained very high heartrate is worrying him more. Low sats are kind of ok as long as they go up when you move or change your breathing and mine do. Upright I stay in the 90s easily.
If I go inpatient it probably will be on the psych unit. I don't know how they'll handle the medical component; I need psych to be safe but I don't need the endless groups, I need rest. So I'm not sure how that would be handled. I doubt I'll be safe enough to be on a regular floor and they are not going to want a manic patient on the floor, sedated or not. I would rather go in as psych because that way I am more certain to be on the mood disorders unit rather than the general psych floor, and if I go in psych then Dr. Brain will write orders for some things that were missing in my first stay.
Hopefully Dr. Brain will get back to me, but she was off yesterday and this is going to be a very busy week for her b/c of the holiday so we'll see. It may be Monday although I doubt that because of the topic lines I used.
However, I do think you are right and that my sat dipping is making me even more tired than not sleeping would have.
Journeybeyondsurvival-
Oh, my doctors are very used to me dictating. In fact Dr. Body met me at an appointment "just to talk" per my request. We talked at that time about my illness, that Dr. Brain is in charge of my overall welfare because she knows the psych meds better, that I have a great deal of knowledge and want full input in my care, etc. He just was a bit surprised at my home monitoring and that I had dug out esoteric meds that might help because I don't usually go that far and I think it really just showed him how serious I am about this. It also was a busy day around there and he was more hurried than usual which didn't help but is my own fault because I should have talked to him about steroids/hospitalization and I didn't feel comfortable enough with the idea to do it then.
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