home again

By the way, as I enter the last weeks of this nightmare of mine, please forgive weird typing.  Sitting up is increasingly more painful and so I find myself less and less able to tolerate it.  Typing in the odd, curled position I can handle is tricky although I am learning.  It's harder on my netbook so when I'm in the hospital expect less.  If I can even post,   I think I read no wireless in pt. rooms and i'm not sure how much walking around I'll be doing.

I spent too much time in the car yesterday and today woke up panicky and in pain.  I stayed home.  I'll work Saturday, but I can't today.  Dr. Mind gave me a serious review of doing only what I can manage last night and this is what I can manage.  I may go out for a bit later to do a couple errands if I can sit up, but for now I'm stuck in the fetal position.  I don't know why the car is so awful to tolerate but it is; I have one of those seats with 72 position options, but none work well.  I think also things are just deteriorating.  The pain is on both sides at times now, it almost never leaves, and there is an addition of a lot of cramping which may just be part of the panic attacks.  Regardless, all I can do is the best I can and while that's not fabulous right now I am doing something and I suppose that counts.

Dr. Mind did help a great deal by pointing out that I am able to smile and that even saying "your niece" makes me smile.  I needed to know that. Smiles are good.  Tears seem to come more easily.  But that's ok too I guess.

Perhaps something substantial or even interesting will cross my mind later today.  We shall see.