Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Thank you

Thanks to everyone who let me know that the posts are going through.  Thanks also for kind comments and for nobody pointing out that a blog that says the same thing daily and that thing is related to pain, not feeling good, etc. is not going to be a very interesting blog.

The good news is that Dr. Body is willing to give me a stronger pain killer.  Unfortunately it's strong enough that I have to either get the script from his office or have it mailed to me so I won't likely have it for a few more days unless I get really lucky with getting up there tomorrow (doubtful).   But, this weekend for sure I've got a chance at some painfree time.  Which is very exciting.

The other good news is I made it through another day.  And that may not seem like much but trust me, it is.  9 more days of work.  If I make it that long and today gave me some hope on that regard.  Partly it's the new pain med because vicodin has become essentially useless, but mainly it's that today was rough and I still made it.  I have some paperwork to finish in the morning but not a ton and that alone says a lot.

Tomorrow is more work with Dr. Mind on panic.  Since yesterday I realized the strong correlation between pain and panic I guess we start there.  It seems backwards because in the past pain has been ignored far too long and now pain is overwhelming me.  I guess though that this is significant; this is the first time that I've been able to appropriately admit  to having pain, ask for help in managing it, and try to handle it appropriately instead of either ignoring it totally or understating things so nobody understood what I truly felt.

Next I have to deal with the concern that they'll find nothing.  How embarrassing to complain so much and have nothing visible.  Endometriosis can be invisible until biopsy, and truthfully I can't imagine there isn't something seriously painful going on with my right ovary.  The same pain has gone on too long to not believe that.  But I'll always doubt myself and as of now all I KNOW I have is a small polyp that may be more (fibroid), pain, and heavy bleeding.  All signs point to SOMETHING being wrong but if I come out and keep having my right oary stabbed I don't know if I'll ever  survive.  This is why I can't wait for pre-op so I can tell her all of this and see what she anticipates.  I keep thinking of pictures I've seen with an ovary encased in endometrial tissue and suspect that's the same here. But I'm basing THAT oh so knowledgable statement on the fact that when an area often affected by endo. is touched in an exam it hurts me a lot which is  a sign of endo.

Anyway, in other good news I only need 2 doses of chicken pox shots and I'll have normal adult immunity.  Yay.  Chicken pox shot one is scheduled for about a week after surgery, a day that is going to wear me out totally as I have 3 appointmets with small gaps between each.  I'm very tempted to try to get a motel room; we'll see how I feel then.

And as per so often I'm falling asleep typing so should stop before I tell something far too private or something.  And I need to heat up my stomach warmer.


Rachael said...

I check your blog daily - always concerned for how you are doing. Sorry to have been quiet. I am so in awe of your courage - you are experiencing so much physically and mentally - and you still take time to share it. This helps you and helps others. Others know that they are not alone in pain and suffering. Knowing that you make it through each day helps others make it through each day. Cheers for making it through the day! And cheers to nine more - one breathe at a time. And I completely understand your 'finding nothing' concerns. Try to put those aside - no amount of worry can affect that outcome. Worry about other things and try to let that go. You are strong and powerful. Keep going!

Anonymous said...

Great comment Rachael! But try not to worry about anything, Jen,...try your best to think of things that are true and right and just and lovely...you know the scripture. "Be anxious for nothing but by prayer and supplication let your requests be made known to God..."

Praying with you and for you...Michal