I am to be at the hospital at 7:30 AM tomorrow, having taken 2 showers with antibacterial soap with particular emphasis on a clean belly button (one of the incisions goes there). Shower one is planned for about 20 minutes from now. I am fighting to stay awake (of course, after not sleeping for 2 weeks I finally want to sleep when I need to stay up to eat one last time before surgery.) Shower two is in the morning. I don't know what time surgery actually is; I assume around 9 or 10 probably.
I'm amazingly calm; I've waited so long to get this fixed. I just pray there is something to fix.
Everything is in order otherwise; I have a bag of things for my mom to bring to me once I'm admitted to a room. My house is clean and has nice, clean upstairs carpeting. The flooded basement carpet reeks. I emptied 3 gallons of water from the dehumidifiers in 6 hours today. Even then there is a lot of drying to go. I even rearranged my bedroom slightly. Everything has been in the same place in there since Dr. Mind made me rearrange things 5 years ago when he was trying to physically wear me out with forced long walks and this furniture moving thing. It took a while for me to get a sense of humor about this; he told me some thing about changing where I slept would change my nightmares but later admitted to the attempt at exhausting me. It did work and I slept better from the time all that moving was done (which coincided with weighted blanket #1 being started, which is probably the real reason but we'll ignore that part.)
Mostly I just want to be at this point tomorrow. I have everything I can control under control, and what I can't control I can't control. Lack of control is far and away the hardest part of this; I mean really, tomorrow someone is going to knock me out, cram various cameras into various orifices, create NEW orifices and cram things in those, then stick me in a bed and hopefully explain what has been so wrong.
It's too much to really think about.
But tomorrow morning, please say a prayer for the surgeons and anesthesiologists and the psych team who have to work together to manage a very complicated situation.
I'll post when I get home. That's probably Wednesday, possibly Thursday, depending how I do, if they can manage my pain easily, etc.
Miss you all.