One of the things that has been stressful is that part of my job is that I work in places in 13 week chunks. I can either be renewed or move on at the end of that period. It's nice because it made it easy to time my 2 weeks off to be in the hospital. It's tough because every 13 weeks things change.
I was really hoping that I'd be able to continue this contract. The last thing I really need is to have to start working somewhere new when I feel bad. I didn't know if they'd be interested or if they'd be able to swing my time off. I just got home to a brand new renewal contract. Which means I do not have to face the stress of a new job environment when I still won't be feeling fabulous and at the busiest time of the year. I am so very happy about this. And it means I can do something that will be at least somewhat fun: in the last week before I go to the hospital I'm going to bring a Chinese lunch in for everyone. I won't be able to eat Chinese after I start the MAOI because I can't have soy/soy sauce, so that will be a nice last time to eat it for who knows how long.
Today was better. I didn't take ativan at all. I probably should have, but the time to take it passed while I was on the just-had-fluoride-can't-drink period after the dentist (1 cavity, one filling to replace. Blagh). I got caught up on paperwork that was a bit behind, and (crap, I forgot to fill out a form though), and I got home relatively early. Talking to Dr. Mind yesterday helped. Thursday we're going to record the session, so that I can listen to it and be calmed (hopefully) at home. Some of the anxiety is simply because I have limited people to talk to about this.
I'm also hopeful that Dr. Mind may know more when I see him. He said originally he was going to call Dr. Brain, but he hadn't yet. He told me last night he'd try to do so this week. If he has he'll know some of the facts that I'm impatiently waiting for. I hope. They communicate well (they used to work together), so that is a very good thing. I'm pretty sure he'll get some of that information because he knows some of what I'm questioning.
Otherwise, focusing on reading and writing (and any movies, DVDs, etc) is getting a little more difficult. Please forgive me if I'm hard to follow as this goes on. Writing here helps more than I can explain, but it also is done when I'm tired. Also please forgive me when I'm slow to answer emails. I really am trying. It's just hard to make sense and say what I want to say. I'm starting to place Freecell more and more because I can do that and the hint function helps me a lot.
Starting tonight, 50 mg. That means 30 more to go.......