Despite having slept reasonably well on 5 mg of Zyprexa I still did not sleep well as defined by "I could sleep like this and go to work". So last night was 10 mg. It did not go well. In 13 hours I got less than 5 hours of sleep and tended to sleep 45 minutes or so and then wake up for an hour or 2. So I woke up exhausted. I wanted to be there for my mom's birthday which I thought was at dinner time but was really at lunch. I didn't feel like driving so she came and got me and brought me back, and there was a whole thing with her male friend getting to her house not when he was expected so instead of doing things for me that were promised she rushed off and totally forgot. I saw my niece for only a few minutes but she was cranky because it was nap time. In all, shouldn't have gone down but good to leave the house for a while. I am starting to feel trapped here because I'm always too medicated to want to do anything. Right now I would like to go strangle a neighbor who is letting a child ride a dirtbike (which is VERY loud) in circles in their yard which connects to mine. They don't have much area, so the noise is bad. I need my soundblockers but am too tired to get them. Regardless those things have all added up to an extra anxiety pill.
I am continuing with the prepare for hospitalization, be happy if it doesn't happen thing. I've asked Dr. Brain some questions, mostly to do with when and what would happen and how knocking me out works with the whole groups on demand feature. She had told me her email wasn't working well from home and that seems to have been the case today as I've gotten no directions for med taking tonight or answers to that.
I took the Zyprexa already (B,I think it was you who called it the Z-med, it's a strongly sedating anti-psychotic that tends to be very effective but has side effects like weight gain and increased risk of diabetes). I have always kept it as a last resort because of the diabetes thing, although really I have gained way too much weight lately. Too much pop and eating what I want. I keep thinking I should start working on that, but I really need to be more stable before I'm going to lose weight. Apparently for me "strongly sedating" is more of a joke than reality. It is taken a few hours before other meds. I am really tired after last night so am praying that this works tonight.
Anyway, I've got to do something to block out that noise. It's really making me crazy. My next house with not share yards with 8 other homes.......
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