Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

It's always ups and downs

I've really been better this last few days. The depression is improving, I'm being very good at following a routine of relaxation, and my doctor finally found the right meds for the anxiety. The only problem was that the more you take of certain meds the more likely you are to fall. The hospital stuck a stupid bracelet on me that I was a fall risk, and since I got that bracelet my score probably has tripled. I'm on combinations of meds that nobody would ever approve for more than a little bit, and honestly I only get it because my dr. trusts me a lot. (ie I'm on 2 benzodiazipines (valium and Klonopin); a big dose of antipsychotic; a diuretic; and an MAOI). I think that's all my fall meds but it's a lot regardless.

So the last few days I've had it figured out exactly how to feel ok. I had the meds precisely timed and felt so much more able to cope. Right up until I took a header in the parking lot of the nursing home. I'm ok and very fortunate; I have a badly bruised knee and random bruises elsewhere and I'm going to really ache tomorrow, but the worst thing is that I'm now worried about taking the benzos. Which I then didn't take one dose, and I wound up so anxious I had trouble coping with bieng in a store and making simple decisions.

I'll fax Dr. Body in the morning and see if he's got ideas, but I think safety wise this is going to be a no.

I just want easy. Just once. I'm sorry for whining, but I feel like I've been through ENOUGH in the last 2 months and just tolerating the meds until I felt better (which I suspect is coming soon) is just not fair.

I'm also definitely having patch site reactions. I can clearly see the sites of the last 2 patches and one is a little itchy. I've tried many things; tonight is Balmex. But I need the dr. to give input there too. I HAVE to have this work......


otgirl said...

Oh man! Your Johns Hopkins must be, like, 37!

Michal Ann said...

Lord, thank you for the team of caregivers that you've provided for my friend. Please help them find the correct medications and please, in your mercy, eradicate the dangerous side effects including the falls. I ask you for healing, not just management but a step far beyond anything she's known before. Lord, calm her storms. Give her an inner peace and confidence that she is safe in Your hands. Renew her strength in You. Please, Jesus, come in love and power and overshadow her with Your peace that surpasses understanding. We can't understand, we don't understand, so free us from unnessary thoughts and ruminating and give us that over-flowing peace. In Jesus' name, Amen.

"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might He increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up on wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40:28-31