Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The old Just Me would have died first

There was a very long time that I refused to admit I needed extra help. Even calling Dr. Brain to tell her that something was making me break out or vomit incessantly was impossible. It took a lot of prodding for me to do anything like that. It was all made worse when I had newly started counseling, had been unable to stop crying for 2 days, and got a carefully worded reminder that I couldn't constantly call for help from my new therapist.

Now I have learned to do so, and to ask for help. I've learned that I can increase my appointments with Dr. Mind if I need and that I'll do better sometimes that way. I've learned to contact Dr. Brain as needed. I've even managed to call the hospital twice since I left. I still hate it, but I do it.

Since I left the hospital last Tuesday I've seen Dr. Mind 4 times. Thursday, Saturday, Monday and Tuesday. He then had to go out of town for a while. He arranged for me to be able to see someone else if I needed. I decided I didn't want to just make an appointment. That was a bad move. As today has gone on and I've reached my bad time of day (evenings) I have decided I need to talk to someone between now and Monday because of the anxiety. So I just called and requested to see someone tomorrow. It seems like the only things that help this anxiety are meds (hit or miss), talking, and sometimes writing. And since Monday I go back to work I'm not really thinking I want to have spent days feeling like this.

I don't even know what to say on here. Dr. Mind thinks (I think) that a lot of what I'm calling anxiety is the depression. I don't know. I just know it feels awful.

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