Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Sunday, November 22, 2009


I have done so much this weekend. I feel surprisingly ok. The thing is that I have done so incredibly much. If you ignore manic periods I probably did more in this house today than I have done in the past 5 years in any week. I'm tired, but I'm reasonably tired, I think.

The thing is that it scares me. Having so much energy suddenly means I have to think about hypomania. It's a big risk on the MAOI, and I've already had enough to require treatment while in the hospital. It's also why I'm on so much Seroquel and so many anxiety meds.

I'm used to being exhausted. Ever since July I've been dealing with some level of depression and it was exhausted depression from the start. Prior to that I was feeling great, but also I was using so much energy driving 90 minutes each way to work in a situation that was stressful and which made me put unreasonable demands on myself. Plus I had just completed my Depakote taper when i was fired, and Depakote made me tired all the time. Even on low doses it made me tired. So this is the first time I've been working reasonable hours and feeling better (I want to say good but I'm not really "good" yet) in so long I can't remember. Therefore what I've accomplished may be reasonable but I have not idea how to judge. This has been a long time problem for me, feeling good as been rare enough I need help to figure out good versus too good.

Dr. Mind and I shall have a lot to talk about tomorrow.......

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