I know that I'm the midst of a waiting game. I know I've had some response to the drug and that this is a positive sign. I also know that I perceive the waiting as much longer than it has been because of the long time I was tapering. That taper was a mistake. I should have tried to just do the entire taper inpatient, and switch, taking a month off of how long this has lasted.
But right now I just don't know if I can do this. I'm so tired and so extremely anxious and I've had a ton of anxiety meds and lo and behold the dose increase didn't do anything in one day. Which it shouldn't, but it's just so hard to be patient.
I'm keeping a countdown of how long it will be before I see Dr. Brain. I can call in 18 days now. So about 3 weeks. I have it in my head she can make it all better. I doubt this, but somehow it is what my brain has latched onto.
I don't know what to write. I don't know what would hlep. I just need to get through this time and that's so hard. I know I did the right thing, the only thing that made sense. But I keep questioning if I could have tolerated the other med if I'd tried harder.
I hate everything right now. It does me no good, but I just can't find pleasure in much. I know sometimes depression feels worst when it's starting to imporve. I'm really hoping that is thte case today.
Sorry for such an obnoxious post.