As discussed to death over the years on this blog, I've never had much of a "normal result" from a medication. They tend to work very differently for me than typically, and I have either bad reactions, they don't work, normal doses don't work, or they work overly well so I can tolerate only tiny doses.
Well, today I think I no longer can say that I've never had a normal result. One month ago today I entered the hospital. One month ago this minute I was sitting in room 620, trying to find things to do until the last group of the day, and trying to gather the courage to ask for my pajama pants and weighted blanket, which had been taken. Without looking back at the blog or journal I remember little of that day already, mainly just crying for hours and feeling lost and so confused that I saw no doctor, had no med changes, and had nothing different than the day before except I was locked up and someone drew blood.
They said Emsam would work slowly, and indeed it has. I know the hospital doctors wouldn't have wanted me on the increased dose until now, and I've been on it just over 2 weeks. That is however the dose that works and I couldn't have survived 2 weeks longer on the low dose. But for once I've been on something for the typical amount of time to be feeling better and I am. Not perfect, I'm still reacting more than I should to the baby news, and I still am tired, and I still am more anxious than ideal, but I'm so much better. I'm not needing valium anymore and suspect I'll be down to one Klonopin a day soon as well. I'm starting to sleep very well without being knocked out which is the first step to backing off the Seroquel, which I want to because it is harder to keep my weight off.
Anyway, it's been quite a month but it's a month that the ending is positive. I know now that not only do MAOIs work for me the dietary restrictions don't bother me that much and I can handle them as well as like them.